Story Story: “Vawulence Pastor”

    As a church boy, right from childhood, I have come across many pastors. Most especially when my family moved from one area to another, it was apparent for them to keep changing churches and during that period, I worked under different caliber of pastors. I was the choir coordinator.

    Some pastors are brilliant, some are not too, but we’re humble to a fault. Some, you may question their pastoral calling, while some will make you want to serve God the most.

    In my current church, where I am the new youth president, it’s a different ball game entirely. Pastor Stanley is a mixture of all.

    He is a new breed of the pastor with a clearer vision to expand the kingdom by any means possible. He is Witty, rugged, humble, fashionable, handsome and godly. There is no way he will dissect the word of God for you that you will not respect him. Hallelujah!

    Every Sunday, Pastor Stanley would show up in different designer suits, and shoes, and the swag was never-ending.

    His wife is the finest in our church. He is not a man who runs the church like the sole owner, he gave room for others to showcase the gift they carry. He never stopped preaching to us about his rebellious background. How God transformed him from a wayward and erratic son to the most influential in his family.

    We the youth love him so much because he gave us a free hand to handle our matters as a youth. And, he also supports us on anything we want to do.

    The last time, he asked us to organize a “Jeans carnival”. On that day, he shocked us with a massive invite of famous gospel artists; Tosin Bee and BJ Sax. It was crazy!

    When he visited our youth church, he told us about how he was raised in the heart of Bariga. Where he regularly woke up with the smoke of weed and the noise of bus conductor shouting:
    “Yaba! Yaba!! Sabo Onike Oyingbo!!”

    At a time, he found himself being influenced by friends to take it. As a result, he became a bad boy. He left his parent’s house to start sleeping at the bus-stop. When you come across him, you will think he is as quiet as he looks. And that is where I am going.

    Our pastor craze pass anything, gbabeh. Wait, I will explain.

    One day, though I heard about all the broken bottles stories, how he chased an armed robber who came to steal something in the church. And how he subdued a mad man. I missed all those actions because I was in Abia State for my NYSC.

    My secret prayer since I came back has been that I want to see him in action. Seeing is believing kinda thing.
    ***RepNaiia Story***
    So, on this day we went for evangelism at a new site where we were about to build our new branch. It was a sunny Saturday. As we kept dancing and moving from street to street, we gave free food items and tracts to people.
    Suddenly, we met these sets of boys, from their dressing to their faces, you will depict who they were. They started throwing bottles at us. They accused us of disturbing the peace in the community and their ticketing business. I kept a close distance from him so that I can see very well.

    “Guy (Omo iyami), please calm down. We have enough food in the church and I will also give you guys some change to be happy. Just send one of your boys to follow us. We didn’t come here to disturb you, sir (Alaye).

    He calmly said. He was trying to be reasonable with them. But, they were not ready to be reasonable. One of them moved swiftly and snatched the microphone from Nifemi, our pastor’s daughter, and smashed it on the floor. I said to myself,

    “Yes! It’s about to go down!.”

    Instead, he kept pleading with them. I was disappointed. The more he pleaded with the mobs, the more their madness was ignited.

    “Na all of us dey street abeg! Just tell me anything you want, I go give you.”
    He begged again!

    A few minutes later, engineer Bassey mistakenly played Osinachi’s song Ekwueme, in a twinkle of an eye, two mob members climbed the bus and landed two slaps on his face, and collected his phone. Still, Pastor Stand well-well as he is fondly called just kept begging them.

    It got to a time when the men in the evangelism team dropped their bibles to curtail the madness. I saw Mr Bankole, a very gentle Deacon, rolling his sleeves. Pastor Mike, our Youth pastor, was already holding a spanner. Me and Segun were looking for where to hide just in case the matter escalated. All our mothers and sisters are nowhere to be found. They did not run, they were somewhere watching…….

    Pastor Mike said it’s madness that we use to cure madness. Pastor Stanley quickly rushed to stop us from attacking them. We would have beaten them to a stupor. For our mind!”

    “Brethren, this is a temptation. Remember, don’t let them push us to be like them. Let the one who is once like them, who understands their language, teach them a lesson no one has before.”

    He affirms confidently. At this point, I knew he had gotten to his limit. The hour has come for the son of Obada, to show the stuff he is made of.
    ***RepNaija Story***
    Suddenly, one of them moved forward to pull his tie. In a twinkle of an eye, I saw the guy inside the gutter. I thought it was a fluke.

    “Ah! Pastor, you want to kill Kamoru because of that small touch, abi? I swear you don die today.”
    Their leader lamented.

    They started moving around looking for planks to destroy our minibus and cars. I heard bottles being smashed on the floor. My fear grew as it was only my Pastor against them. Those boys were like seven. I began to skabash and also use one eye to witness the fight.

    Nothing like a full gist!

    “If Dem born una papa welll touch any of the cars!!”

    That voice echoed like a thunderstorm. I looked into his eyes and I saw a repented monster. They surrounded him and started hitting him with the planks. There was no pastor on sight again. I hid behind the bus, throwing stones at them. I know what will happen to me if they catch me.

    Suddenly, I saw my pastor move like Iron Mike Tyson or should I call him Thor Ragnarok, he feinted and landed a good blow on Kamoru’s ribs, and follow-up with a hard punch at the centre of his scar-full face. A swift turn plus three jabbing on the face of another member of the mob. He dragged him closer, twisted his arm and tossed him away with a kick. The way he moves like air, the turnings, and the way his shoulder breathes was phenomenal.

    Another mob came from behind to smash a bottle on his head, he turned to him and pummeled his face with a saunter punch. Even his destiny will feel it. He fought like an enraged beast.

    Their leader thrust his fleshy weightless fist towards Pastor Stanley’s head, he swayed like a pro and gave him a life diminishing uppercut.
    ***RepNaija Story***
    All of them were on the floor bleeding. The way he used his hands and kicks was magnificently world-class. Pastor Stanley had only a little scratch on his head.

    (The announcer in my head) no doubt the fight this sunny afternoon was classic in every sense of the word. And the winner is the man in Pink shirt and black suit corner, weighing in at 10 pounds and the undisputed world champion, the man known only as PASSSSTOOOOOOR STAAAAAANNLEEEEEY!!!

    Song: Stand up! Stand up! For the champion! For the champion, stand up!!!

    I know they will never forget this day in their lives. One after the other, they collect. No, they collect wotowoto.

    Samson no do pass this one! Me, as I dey like this, I stan and re-stan with Pastor Stand Well-well. I think this is a masterclass on how to deal with a possessed person.

    No capping, my pastor is the dopest man of God that has ever liveth! It was just too Incredible. Maybe we should arrange a fight between him and Anthony Joshua?
    ***RepNaija Story***
    I became even prouder when I saw my pastor gather those gangsters he dealt with and began to preach to them.

    “Una no know who I be? I don go Kirikiri come back five times. I mad pass all of una. But guess what, God changed me to be a better person. Instead of getting mad, let’s be mad with the devil. I am ready to give all of you a job if you can promise to be born again now.”

    See packaging.

    I asked Pastor Stanley why he didn’t run from them.

    “I begged them three times, and that equates to the time Jesus overcame the temptations of the devil. But then, I also remembered that the kingdom of God suffereth violence and only the violence can take it by force. You all here are my sheep, it’s a shame for me if they touched any of you. They needed an extra force to subdue the evil spirit in them, and the Lord used me to deliver them. Hallelujah! Where are the other pastors?”

    The question he asked cannot be answered. He knew the answer. We laughed it off. I will wait for them on Sunday to come and brag!

    The testimony is that he fulfilled his promise to these guys, he established a home for the destitute to rehabilitate every repented louts and orphan.

    Kamoru the bottle breaker is now Bro Kingsley, and others also get their name changed after baptism.

    Since we built our new church, at times we forget to close the gate. But guess what, not a single pin got missing. Two strong converts are our security guards. Who wan die? Others handle various projects of the church and get good pay.

    This is true evangelism. And it is used to transform lives and not by sharing tracts alone. Meet their needs and bless them.

    Lesson: There are different approaches to solving problems. Some Things don’t happen except you involve some level of extra-determination (Madness).

    Have a fantastic new week.

    My name is Amusan Tolulope, and I am an impeccable writer.

    DISCLAIMER: This is a pure work of fiction. Anything that might have hurt the sentiments of any group or group of people is unintentional and without malice… I don’t even know you guys.



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