Story: “Oh My Wife” (Episode 5)
[Story] “Oh My Wife” (Episode 5)

    I catwalked to the kitchen, the bedroom, the sitting room and even to the bathroom for my wife to fall for my selling point but to no avail.

    She was just on the couch having her pepper soup fish. ”Did she read what is written on my boxers and sleeveless at all” I said to myself.

    I got tried of catwalking and then decided to take a rest on the couch with her. I stared at her plate of fish and swallowed saliva.

    ”The last time I prepared something like this was when i was still in my father’s house. If I should eat this kind of fish for a week, haaaah, my face go show and my shoe go shine” she said to herself aloud as she struggled with her pepper soup fish.

    Ever since my wife and I started keeping malice in the house, I stopped eating good food. It’s either I took garri, tea or Sometimes indomie.

    My wife knows I am not a cooking type if not everywhere would’ve been stew.

    Sundays reminds me of the special time my wife and I used to have while cooking Sunday rice.

    My wife knows me too well taking meat from the pot while cooking. Tom and Jerry play used to be our play in the house when ever I took something without her permission.

    I have been feeding on fast food ever since we started this husband and wife war. The truth is that, no woman cooks like my wife. I fell in love with her cooking and finds it irritating eating out.

    My wife knows I don’t eat out no matter what till I got home. It got used to me that any food I taste outside my home taste like poison. I am very sure my wife took that as my weak point.

    ”I can not come and catwalk with empty stomach and die” I said to myself and walked to the bedroom and changed.

    I changed my clothes and left the house to an eatery. I bought my wife favorite shawarma and pizza. Pizza and shawarma used to be her best. Sometimes she calls me from work to get her pizza or shawarma when coming home and she will eat every piece of it.

    ”Ha, ha, haaa, She think say she wise. This is her weak point. If my wife doesn’t fall on this shawarma and pizza, I swear I no do again” I said to myself as I ordered the pizza and shawarma.

    I paid and hurriedly left to my house. I changed in to my boxers and sleeveless. I drew the center table closer to the couch and sat down with my pizza and shawarma.

    I was eating happily when my wife walked in with a big black leather. She sat down on the other couch and began to loosen it. ”Only God knows what’s inside it” I mumbled to myself.

    I stared at her and pushed in a hand full of pizza in to my mouth and chewed it like a goat chewing grass.

    She glanced at me for some minute and continued to untire her leather. When I discovered she was staring, I opened the shawarma leather and cut some of it, raised it up, and pushed it in to my mouth and began to chew it this time like a cow chewing grains.

    I also took off my shirt to show out my packs. I took it off only to find out that my packs were gone only my ribs were showing out. I felt it with my hands and said to myself ”hunger na bastard”.

    I was stylishly chewing and waiting to see what was in her leather bag when she brought out shawarma and pizza with an alcoholic wine. The alcoholic wine she brought out was my favorite wine. seeing it reminds me of our wedding night.

    ”What is really going on? She is the one supposed to fall not the other way round: No this can’t be. This is not working at all” I thought angrily to myself.

    My wife arranged her pizza, shawarma and red wine on the floor and sat down like a Chinese monk.

    She pulled off her top and also pulled off her bra. My wife was shirtless before my own eyes.

    I stared at her standard Bre-ast and shook my head the negative way. The wife i was supposed to tempt with my boxers and six packs finally turned to tempt me with her fresh standard b;00obs.

    She used her two hands, raised her b;00bs up, and let them fall. I watched them dangled on their own.

    ”God thank you for giving me sexxxy b;00obs and hips. Thank you for creating me with special selling points” she prayed aloud.

    I watched my wife walked to the DVD and played a song “are you coming” by naira marley featuring Busiswa.

    I wanted leaving the sitting room for her when she started tweaking. She tweaked with every parts of her selling point. I stared at her buttocks as they rise and fall like dollar to naira.

    I stared at my all eyes on me boxers and discovered that the machine inside it has finally given it a curve shape. I used my both hands and covered my local government.

    ”Man must fall. I can not continue to deny myself from falling in to temptation with my own wife. This tweaking has finally got me down. Mr Johnson, I am sorry for the wall of Jericho has finally fallen to night” I said to myself nodding my head to naira marley song.

    To be continued…..

    Who is laughing out loud with me?

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